Would you date yourself? You might think it’s a silly question. In fact, you might instantly think why would I want to date myself that would be boring! And, for the record, you’d be right (it would also be a bit narcissistic to be attracted to someone just like you…) But, asking yourself this question and exploring the idea could give you some insight into why your dating life isn’t going quite as you’d like, if it isn’t going quite as you’d like. Around eight years ago, I kept attracting people who were very problematic. I was young and naïve, so I just blamed them and the world, and considered myself an unlucky victim. The reality is that something about me was attracting these people. The deeper reality is that, if I think back to that time, I hated to be alone because I didn’t like myself. So, naturally, I attracted people who I also wasn’t crazy about. If you wouldn’t want to date yourself, then the people who do might be, well, not so great. So it’s worth asking: would you date yourself?
Would you turn to yourself for a pep talk?
If you needed someone to tell you that you’re good at what you do, that things will work out, and that you need to toughen up and get back out there…would you turn to yourself? Are you someone that can be relied on to help someone else stay positive?
Would you want you around in a crisis?
Would you want to be with yourself in a crisis? Are you someone who would remain calm, who wouldn’t waste time getting angry and pointing fingers, and who would work hard on finding a solution? Or, would you break down, yell at everyone, and hide away until someone else fixed things?
Can you rally when spirits are low?
Say you get the news that you can’t take the trip/go to the event you’ve been looking forward to for months. Can you rally? Can you come up with an alternative—something else that will keep everyone happy and make people feel like they aren’t missing out? Or, do you just throw a tantrum and say that everything’s screwed?
Can you roll with the punches?
A flight gets delayed by three hours, a restaurant loses your reservation, the car rental place gives you a teeny, tiny car when you wanted a big van…do you make the best of things? Do you find a way to have fun at the airport for three hours, or just find somewhere else to eat when the restaurant loses your reservation? Or do you let these hiccups ruin your mood for the night?
Are you open to new experiences?
Are you open to whatever the destination may bring? Or do you need to ask lots of questions about it and ensure it’s up to your standards/what you’re used to/what you expect? Will you go new places and meet new people happily? Or are you nervous and particular about how you spend your time?
Would you visit a foreign country with you?
Would you go somewhere you didn’t speak the language, didn’t know the customs, and had no familiarity with the surroundings, with yourself? Do you have a good enough sense of humor and humility to handle that situation?
Would you confide in you?
If there was something you were ashamed of, or some deep insecurity you had, would you confide that in yourself? Would you be understanding? Or would you be judgmental?
Would you live in a studio apartment with you?
Could you tolerate living with yourself in a small apartment? Do you have a demeanor and habits that would make you tolerable in a tiny space for a prolonged period?
Would you want to celebrate your victories with you?
Can you be happy for other people? If you told yourself about a great victory, would you be genuinely happy for you? Would you make sure the victor felt celebrated and seen? Or, would you be jealous and petty?
Would you want to be broke with you?
Do you have a can-do and positive attitude, as well as a clever enough mind, to not only survive being broke but even have fun being broke? Or would you just be a curmudgeon about it who brought everyone else around you down?
Would you bring you to your family?
Do you have the tact and perceptiveness to get around a new group of people, navigate all the various personalities, and get along with them all? Do you know how to pick your battles, bite your tongue, and appease people? Or, do people need to do all of those things to appease you?
Would you break bad news to you?
Would you break bad news to you? Would you take a deep breath, understand it’s not the fault of the bearer of bad news, and think of a way to turn things around? Or, would you just start lashing out?
Would you go to you for comfort?
After a breakup, or the loss of a job, or the loss of a loved one, would you go to you? Could you expect a warm, nurturing embrace from you? Would you feel comfortable being vulnerable in front of you?
Could you vent to you?
If you just needed to vent for 30 minutes straight could you go to you? Or, would you just cut yourself off because you’re a bad listener?
Could you forgive you?
Can you forgive someone? Can you let things go? If you apologized to yourself, would you forgive you? I mean, truly forgive—not let out anger in passive-aggressive ways for weeks to come.
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